Sunday, 3 January 2010

Dreaming of being the loving follower and supporter

Someone asked me recently, what a typical week might look like to me, once I were married to a Taken in Hand man. I apologised for avoiding the question, but said that I didn't have a typical week in mind...and that's because to a large extent, as time goes on, I try to force myself not to think so specifically, to keep an open mind to what ever surprises and changes the future brings.

I am terribly stubborn and determined once I set my mind to something and to be fair, I do have ideals in terms of what a specific week might look like, I daydream often about typical days and what my life might be like...I just try not to let myself envision them too much, lest I be disappointed and/or frustrated if my life doesn't go in that direction.

But, it's been more on my mind lately, pondering that question I was asked...what do I envision as a typical week when I'm (hopefully someday) a Taken in Hand wife and mother?

The overriding theme in any typical week, in the activities I daydream about, is one of supporting my future husband and caring full-time for my children. It sounds rather obnoxiously like a martyr and I don't intend it to! But I absolutely love the idea of stepping back and quietly supporting my husband's achievements...to the point where I especially like things where I wouldn't get public credit for my efforts, I would "only" get credit and appreciation from my husband...but isn't that the most important kind?

My life would be largely devoted to my family and the outside world might not realise how full and busy my life was, how much I cared for my family...but that's the part I love. My ego doesn't need the world to know that on a given day, I might have laboured in the kitchen for hours to make my husband's favourite meal when I knew he was having an especially bad day...I would just need for my husband to know and appreciate it.

I would want our home to be a place of happiness and relaxation for him...so I would want to have his clothes organised and laid out for him for work each morning and I would want us to sit down and have a proper breakfast together as a family each morning...so that when my husband goes off to his stressful day at work, he would know that I love him, he would know that his efforts at work were greatly appreciated by me. And my children would know that their parents were very much in love, that they, the children, were very much loved.

I would want to spend some of my day on me, giving myself time to relax and unwind...and while that, of course, is lovely for me and a bit selfish, it translates to being able to better support and nurture my future husband and our children. I'm not so idealistic that I think that raising children and supporting my husband will be relaxing or easy! I know it's a 24/7 job and can be exhausting...if I make time to relax, I can better nurture my family.

I daydream about spending time with my future children, watching them grow and learn...I would love to spend my days taking them to museums, reading to them and teaching them in their early years.

Later, with the children spending more time in school, I would hope to get involved in a few charities...I suppose it would be, for me, an extension of my love of being there for others. Nothing would be more important to me than my family and nothing would be as fulfilling as being there for my family, but I think I'm especially drawn to charity work because it would also teach my children how important it is to help others. I would be able to relate my charity work back to my own family and would be helping both greater society and my own family.

When everyone was home for the afternoon and evening, I would relish that time after school with the children...hearing about their day, helping them with their homework and ensuring they had healthy snacks and that they knew that I was there for them. And when my husband came home, I would love that after his stressful day, I could be a smiling face to him, ready to give him a warm meal with his family.

Again, I think that what feels most rewarding to me, in life, is that idea of supporting and nurturing a family I love...I've talked before about Taken in Hand being pieces of a puzzle and in my mind, one of the loveliest contributions the wife gets to make to that puzzle is giving.

I love the idea that I wouldn't be competing with my husband for societal approval of a man's contributions...I could relish in the importance of my own contributions to my family.

1 comment:

Sven B. said...

Dear Cinderella,

If I had been 20 year younger and living in London, or just in UK, I would immediately contact you. As I am neither, I will just give you my comment.

Your dream sounds like heaven seen from a man's point of view. I also believe that it will be heaven seen from the children's point of view.

Your devotion to your (future) husband and children is very admirable. And I believe that the dream comming through would give a wonderful life to you as well.

I hope that one day your dreams will come through!

Love,
Sven B.