Monday, 23 March 2009

A real, actual post...

It's been so long, I'm not even entirely sure where to start. I'm exhausted from my work day and my brain actually hurts...but there will always be some excuse not to post and despite it feeling a bit like an endless chore, I miss writing here. In some ways, not much has changed since I last wrote anything of substance...still single and still of that oh-so-rare traditional mind.

But some things have changed...I'm content with being single these days and I don't think I used to be...and though I'm still Little Miss Traditional, I realise more and more over time that the what of what I want in my future partner isn't as important as he is.

Much of my silence over this long period was due to sporadic periods of dating...and the realisation that this blog will get awkward in those times! A friend and once-date has told me several times that my blog is intimidating to someone I'm dating...that it puts too much out there. And even before he'd told me that, I worried about what to write when I started dating...I worried about how my words would be received by the man I'm dating, I worried about divulging too much about my life and in the process, writing about him...so I didn't write. I'm still not sure what the answer is on that, but it does give me pause.

So in addition to just being busy, lazy and tired...I've also been delaying writing because I just wasn't sure what to write or if I should write.

But, at least temporarily ignoring that whole thought process, I'm here writing again. Though none of the dating of late worked out, I still learned about myself...I learned that it isn't really a set list of criteria that attract me to a man, it's who he is that I become attracted to. I've known for a long time that I am far more attracted to personality than to looks, but I understand myself even more now in that regard.

Now, I have to preface the rest of this by saying that I was very fortunate that in the cases of both men that I dated recently, I didn't have to choose between personality and looks, they had both ;)

But looking back at what drew me to these men, their looks were merely icing on the cake. I don't want to go into the specifics of what I was attracted to in each instance, lest I do exactly what I just mentioned I didn't want to and bring these men's lives into my blog...but the important thing about my attraction is that they are very different from each other and yet I was very attracted in both instances. It wasn't that they met my pre-determined set of criteria, it was that I fell for who they are.

I've been teasingly accused, on several occasions in the past, of being far too specific in what I want in a man...and to be fair, I think that once upon a time, I was. I still have a basic set of things that are important to me in a mate...natural dominance being a big one, of course, but I've found that I am attracted to different things and much of the fun in the attraction is learning about that person.

So, I hope and intend to write much more often than I have been...and I hope I'll keep understanding myself more and more. That, after all, was why I started this blog in the first place! I absolutely love that people come across my writings and that I'm not the only one who thinks this way...but my long silence was probably worst on me ;) I hope I don't let it happen again for awhile...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good to see you back on line

David Brady said...

Good to see you back online -- great post and enlightening insights :-)

Anonymous said...

Glad you’re back ! I enjoyed reading your Blog early on and it was great to see that I was not alone in wanting to embrace my femininity and live a lifestyle which in my view is perfectly natural for a woman but which is so derided by the feminist lobby. I hope my story / perspective will encourage you for the future.

I had a reasonably successful career and although I guess I vaguely wanted to “settle down” and have kids I was in no hurry, I lived a very independent life and spend most of my time in jeans ! How things change ! Now I’m married, a mum (one plus one on the way) and don’t own a pair of trousers. Although there is no question of “discipline”, my husband is 100% in charge and I take a purely domestic role.

My (now) husband and I were together for some years before he proposed and during that time, I guess I gradually became more feminine (certainly he influenced what I wore) and when we discussed marriage we both agreed that we wanted a traditional relationship based on defined “complimentary” roles. I accepted that he should be in charge and he made it clear that he would want me to stay at home, “dress like a lady” and (ideally) have babies. At first it took some getting used to but he gave me clear firm instructions from the start and after 5 years I am both very happy and convinced that this is right for me, in fact (to my surprise) I am becoming ever more “old fashioned” in my views.

It was a shock to lose my financial independence but I now hold the firm view that a women’s (especially a mother’s) place is at the home. I also started by dressing to please him, but now I wouldn’t be seen dead in trousers and (like you) look at women in the street and think how unattractive it is to dress like a man ! I’ve also come to think that a degree of modesty is important and although I aim to look pretty and attractive I am careful to keep things private for my husband and don't wear anything revealing in public.

It was a revelation to me when we stopped using contraception and it has totally changed the way I feel about sex. I now realise how important it is and how very different it is for girls. We are wrong to try to behave like men and pretend it’s nothing special. I used to take a typical “liberated” view but I’m now convinced that a return to the “good girl” era would be a good thing, especially for women and I do wonder if we have come to use easy contraception to belittle sex and allow men to persuade us to be more promiscuous. (Personally I now find the whole idea of artificially preventing pregnancy just seems wrong and against my natural “femininity” and I hate it - a problem for the future !)

The more I think about it and discuss it with friends the more convinced I am that men and women are happiest and relationships work best (for most people) when we embrace our separate roles. I don’t understand why women would want to dress or behave like men, we are so lucky to be different and should enjoy it. I think it’s un-natural for us to deny our femininity and if by doing so we emasculate men, we have only ourselves to blame for a lot of unhappiness.

Keep up the good work and I hope you find Mr Right !