Saturday, 5 January 2008

Confidence in Submission

Wonders may never cease, I'm posting again in less than 24 hours, it's a New Year's miracle!

Actually, it's a combination of two things. First, I had grand responsible plans to put in a few hours of work this evening - which I know sounds horribly American and pathetic of me, but I was a bit of a slacker this past week and was going to play catch-up for a few hours, since I just didn't have the energy to go out tonight. It's one of those "the most blissful place for me to be tonight is home" kind of nights. But alas, I sent myself the wrong file and can't work on the project as planned. Pity. I didn't do it on purpose, I promise. Second, I received an email today from someone and something he wrote got me thinking - always a very scary and dangerous thing ;) So, I will write about my thoughts, whilst watching a somewhat creepy show about the near apocalypse Reagan caused, with one speech, in 1983. It'll be a very educational evening I guess :P

The gentleman who emailed me said that (to paraphrase) a woman who submits to him, who happily takes her "place" makes him feel more confident. And I love that mentality. Conversely, though I don't think I've really given that particular aspect much thought, it drives my confidence to take my place. I feel more confident in myself when I am following a man's lead.

I don't entirely understand why, but I suppose it's a combination of factors.

1) As I think I've discussed before, it is my (firm) belief that though women are not the mindless and incompetent creatures we were once made out to be, we do excel much farther in life when led by a man.

So I think part of the confidence I feel in submitting to a man is just that. I'm too picky for my own good, but when I have finally trusted a man enough to fully submit to him, I find confidence in following his lead because I know that with his guidance, I will go much farther in life than I would on my own. I can go through life knowing that despite my best attempts to derail myself, I will almost always succeed in my endeavors because my man will keep me on the right path.

2) A dominant man is just incredibly attractive...and who on earth doesn't derive confidence from being with someone they find attractive? It isn't polite or civilised to flaunt your good fortunes in life, but we all take pride and confidence in being with someone we deem attractive - because we assume that others find this person attractive too, and that they will think better of us for being with the person they find attractive. So, I suppose that some of my confidence in submitting to a man's authority, to his dominance, is that in doing so, I am showing that I'm worthy of his dominance. That I myself am attractive and desirable enough that this man wants to guide me.

3) Perhaps the most important and fun aspect is that I derive confidence from his confidence. The more comfortable he is in guiding me, the stricter, more skilled and more consistent he is in that guidance, the more confident I am that if I submit, he will lead.

I've had (short-lived) relationships where the man just wasn't a leader - he tried to be, just to make me happy, but it just wasn't in his nature. And I found myself pushing the nonexistent boundaries, to see what would happen. I hated doing it because it cheapened the entire dynamic and I felt myself losing confidence in myself. Was I really submissive? If I was playing this silly game where I misbehaved just to get a reaction, then perhaps I wasn't, perhaps it's all just a game, I thought.

But I soon realised that it was because in order to feel confident in my submission, I need to know that it isn't invisible submission...I can't have confidence in my submission if my man isn't confident in his leadership abilities.

It's funny that mainstream society is so vehemently against the idea of traditional gender roles...the thinking is that a woman would only submit to a man because she has no self-confidence. But it's really the exact opposite - when a woman is properly guided, she is at the height of confidence and feels she can accomplish nearly anything.

1 comment:

Edward said...

Hi Cinderella
It’s great to see you posting again. I always enjoy reading your blog.
Speaking from a male’s point of view I certainly agree that a woman who happily takes her place under a man’s wing gives him confidence.
When an LDD relationship works well it’s like a closed loop.
The partners increase each others confidence as they learn together.
His confidence comes not only from his ability to set the boundaries in the relationship but see her grow into a better woman within those boundaries.
Is there anything better than seeing a “taken in hand” lady standing contently next to her proud man?
Keep posting
Kind regards
Ed