Wednesday, 31 October 2007


Trust is probably the most important and fundamental aspect of any relationship, but it is 500 times more important in a Taken in Hand relationship...because the woman has entrusted her entire well-being and her future into her man's hands (at least, according to my own interpretation of Taken in Hand).

But how do you, as the man, undo the lessons of life she's learned thus far? How do you convince her that your leadership abilities are true and real? How do you undo the self-preservation need she has probably developed, where she can't risk letting you in, can't risk the hurt again, can't risk trusting you, because she's been let down too many times before.

How do you, as the woman, finally let go and let your guard down? How do you finally know, and trust completely, that you've met someone true and worthy of your trust? Someone who is a true leader? How do you even persevere and keep looking for the seemingly nonexistent man, among all of the fakes? And further, how do you keep trusting him when he makes a mistake? How do you decide what defines a human mistake versus an inability to lead? After his mistake, how do you rebuild your confidence?

Everyone is human and even the best Taken in Hand man, even the best leader, makes mistakes. But where is the line between a human being making a mistake and a major character flaw that signifies an overall lack of leadership and integrity?

I find myself at a painful point...where I wonder if what I want actually exists. I've met so many men who seemed so ideal and yet turned out to be so wrong. I am by no means desperate, if I were less picky, I would probably already be taken :) But I am picky...I don't want to settle and I don't want to be with a man willing to settle.

I myself am by no means perfect...but I am honest and after much soul-searching, I know exactly what I want and need in a relationship. I only wish I could find my counterpart.

I've met men who outright lied....we would discuss in detail what our ideal relationships were and how compatible we both felt we were and eventually I would find out that they were married or not who they said they were in other ways. I've also met men who were scared to let themselves want a commitment or were scared to lead. After the long discussions of what we wanted, they'd realise that that they never wanted a committed relationship at all, or that they wanted an egalitarian relationship. I've met men who want this, but just don't have the skills to make it work.

And through all of that, I'm left wondering...with all of those experiences behind me, how will I ever trust his word? His commitment? His abilities? At the end of the day, I need a man who knows more than I do, who I trust more than I trust myself...and as each day goes by, that pool of men gets smaller and smaller.

So it leaves me with this: I am about as feminine as it gets, I am not embarrassed or afraid to admit that I, as a woman, am the weaker sex...that I am at my best when led by a man. But am I destined to become exactly what I hate? Given how distrustful life experience has made me, am I headed toward being so jaded and cynical that I'll never be able to let go enough to trust a man to lead me? Or am I so feminine that I'll just keep getting hurt over and over, stubbornly determined that he's out there, somewhere? Is the man worthy of my trust actually out there?

1 comment:

Mstrredbeard said...

Trust is often a leap of faith. I am a man who believes in a Male Led Relationship and that it does require a strong Trust between a Dom and their sub....but once that trust is given....its a very special gift that the sub has given to their Dom and it must be held close and with care....