Saturday, 27 October 2007

A Taken in Hand Relationship

I am a 30 year old single American lady, living in London and I love it here...I love the UK and Europe in general.

I am looking for my prince charming, eventually leading to a LTR and marriage. I am intelligent, articulate and I’m told that I have a great sense of humour. My social interests are varied, but I try to take advantage of everything my city has to offer. From visiting museums, dining at the fantastic restaurants (which London most certainly has!), or wandering through the many parks.

I love theatre and opera, but don't have anyone to go with. :( I love to travel, but again, need a partner in crime ;) My passport is just sitting here waiting and much of Europe beckons :) I have been to Germany and France, care to help me add to my passport? :) When at home, I love to read...both for fun and to learn. Some nights I’m reading philosophy and some nights I’m reading a novel.

I'm too educated for my own good and hold an MBA from a top US university. But, as much as I enjoy my career, as a woman, my career does not fulfill me. I am, however, very thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to pursue a career before settling down, as it has only solidified my want to be a traditional wife...I know that I will have made my choice knowing all of my options, knowing that it is just that – a choice, and not something I’m falling into simply because I’m incapable of a career.

I am looking for a traditional relationship and eventually, a traditional marriage, where the man is the head of the household...I am very glad that feminism has allowed me to vote, to have my intellect recognised and that is has allowed me to make choices in my life, but I very firmly support traditional gender roles...men are meant to provide for, to protect and to lead and women are meant to nurture, reproduce and to follow a man’s lead. I am at a point in my life where I am truly confident in my intelligence and in who I am, I don't need to pretend to be something I am not, nor do I worry that being submissive and being a wife and mother makes me less than. My dream in life is to fulfill my feminine role – to tend to our home and, later, our children, while my husband works to support our home and our children. I want to support his career and know that every success we enjoy as a family was gained through his leadership and through my support of him...that we are partners, not independent people who happen to live together. I want to watch our children grow and learn...I want to be there when they come home from school, to be active in their activities.

I struggled with this desire for a long time, fearing that my desire not to work and to be a housewife would be seen as selfish and that my husband would resent me for it. However, over time I have realised that my staying home, my allowing him to lead such a major aspect of the relationship as our financial status, would only add to the leadership dynamic...I would be fulfilling my half of the relationship by staying home. Given that, my dream is to find a man who not only supports my desire to devote myself to household duties and to supporting his career, he expects it...both because he wants the harmonious home that this environment provides and because he sees himself as the provider and protector and would feel awkward if I were working.

For me, my husband’s leadership must be complete and total – if I am working, I cannot properly keep up with my duties as a wife and mother. My own mother – who is probably my best friend – owns her own business and worked throughout my childhood. While I admire her in many ways and feel that I had a very healthy and blessed childhood, I also remember that she was always on the go – always tired, always trying to accomplish too many roles. It is my sincere hope that I will be able to focus my energies on what really matters in the relationship, without wearing a million hats.

I am feminine to the core, and would love nothing more than to be able to stop pretending that I am “equal” in the world...to find someone who understands that my submission and femininity come from inner strength and love. I love pink, lace, flowers, I love to cook (and even clean when it’s for someone I love) and I love to be made to feel feminine. Friends joke that I'm 98% lady and 2% sailor. I can be raunchy and it takes quite a bit to offend me, but I love to act like a lady and I need a relationship where I am expected to act as such...if you want me to act or look slutty when we go out, we're not meant to be.

I’ve known I was submissive for most of my adult life, and I’ve had four male-led relationships. Though the first three were all based on love and respect, they all had a pain-for-pleasure aspect to them. I learned, through these relationships, that pain has one purpose for me – as punishment for misbehaviour. Punishments are not a game and they are not fun, they are meant to correct behavior and to solidify the relationship. In browsing the Taken in Hand site, I learned about maintenance spankings, a term I had never heard before. To each his own, but I know that for me, this concept wouldn’t fit in a relationship...it would only dilute the meaning and effectiveness of a punishment spanking. If I am behaving, why do I need to be spanked? And if I’m going to be spanked regardless of my behaviour, why behave?

That said, I once spoke with someone who introduced me to the idea of “submission exercises.” Something that brings me back to my submissive state when I am trying to take the lead or having difficulty giving my submission...I love the idea of these exercises and think that they are vital to a relationship. A submission exercise could be as simple as kneeling in front of him in silence at his command, sort of like a breather.

The fourth male-led relationship was everything I have described here and it was wonderful. I wrote most of this profile before he and I met in person and being with him only solidified my want for everything I've described. Though the relationship did not work out, I saw how wonderful this dynamic can be in a relationship.

I believe that male-set boundaries and structure in a relationship provide the guidance and love that holds the relationship together. There are no petty arguments, no disrespect of each other, only true devotion and love. Additionally, I found that the D/s relationships I was in had a more objectified tone to them than I want...I was seen as an object, and was expected to be used. For a long time, I struggled with my submissive nature because I felt that being submissive meant living without affection and romance in a relationship. Then I found the Taken In Hand site, and I felt like I had found my home...that I had found the perfect framework for a relationship and for me. What I took away from all of my past relationships was that I need to be in a male-led relationship, where he makes most of the decisions for me and for our family...but I need a relationship filled with love, one where we cherish each other.

I am a very romantic person, I want to be protected, held and loved...I want to fall asleep in his arms, with my head on his chest. I want my husband to cherish me and to want to please me as much as I want to please him. I want to spend hours every day preparing dinner from scratch, so that when he gets home, he has a delicious meal waiting for him. I want us to think of each other constantly when we are apart and to feel blessed that we have each other. I want us to see ourselves as soulmates, as two people who found each other in a huge world.

Relationships take time...I don't expect to fall in love overnight..I have only been in love once in my life and I know it will take time to feel that again. I hope to find someone interested in pursuing a monogamous relationship first, to see if we are meant to be.

Of course, looks are important, I'm 160cm and about 8.5 stone and I'm told I'm attractive ;) I take care of my body (running/walking 5 miles a day) and so should you, but looks fade...intelligence and personality are vitally important to me. I love to debate current events and I am incredibly opinionated, if you can't keep up with me, we won't get very far! Also, I can be very goofy and silly and I spend most of my time laughing...you’ll need a sense of humour or neither one of us will be happy! Most of all, I want a best friend, my greatest confidant.

If you are a single man between the ages of 30 and 42 and are in the UK, I’d love to hear from you.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

hi Amy
wish there were more women like you.
i am a man who believes in LDD and taken in hand but live too far away from you.
You are a rare woman indeed.

E

Caroline said...

Hi, I just wanted to say how much I loved your post and let you know how well you expressed some of the same feelings that I also have. I am actually slightly younger than you but I would also consider myself intelligent having studied at the London School of Economics and worked for several years in a major investment bank. However, I also enjoy a relationship in which my husband dominates me. I do not know 'taken in hand' or any fetish-type thing, but, like you I crave the security and the freedom that comes from my total submission to a dominant male.

I hope you have found someone since leaving your post. Incidentally, although I am a Londoner, my husband is American. C.x

Caroline said...

Hi, I just wanted to say how much I loved your post and let you know how well you expressed some of the same feelings that I also have. I am actually slightly younger than you but I would also consider myself intelligent having studied at the London School of Economics and worked for several years in a major investment bank. However, I also enjoy a relationship in which my husband dominates me. I do not know 'taken in hand' or any fetish-type thing, but, like you I crave the security and the freedom that comes from my total submission to a dominant male.

I hope you have found someone since leaving your post. Incidentally, although I am a Londoner, my husband is American. C.x

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I can't believe you exist...lol or that women like you exist, educated, inteligent and yet understand what nature made each of us best suited for, wow fantastic post, wish I could find a soulmate just like you.
N

Anonymous said...

Hello Amy,

I stumbled upon this post as I just found out about TIH relationships. It perfectly described what I want and experienced in my last relationship.
How did it go with your search?

bound.to.thrive said...

Hi. I share the same feelings and I believe there must be more of us in the worlds :) I am 25, educated and having a corporate career as a manager (12hr workdays, yeah, that's me), but frankly I would give all of that away for the chance to be tamed and spend my days cooking, tidying, taking care of the home etc. for a man that is strong enough to handle me. I am quite a strong personality, a go-getter and tend to be bratty or stubborn at times, but I believe all of that would go away once I had a strong male in control of me. He just would not let me behave like a brat. I am in a relationship with a nice guy, who although is a brilliant person, does not seem to be dominant enough to take care of me in the way I need to be taken care of. So I'm stuck in the middle, because leaving a perfectly good guy seems silly, but staying in a relationship that does not make me 100% happy sounds silly, too. I hope you find a guy that understands and is not afraid of his primal instinct of being the leader. Someone should make a dating site for people like us :)

Anonymous said...

Greetings of the day! This is indeed a well written piece and a rare one indeed!. Very few are the people who can expound so well , yet even rare are the fine ladies who truly know , understand , ealize and accept themselves whilst saying so in a manner so brilliantly . Your writing is indeed a master piece in itself. As a human being with your beliefs, hardly anyone can hold a candle upto you as competitive enough. In everything taht you ahve wriiten here and that i have read till now,"You are the,creme de la creme". Wish i could find someone like you here in bangalore.